Health - what a dull topic
/I remain a poor blogger. The posts are so few and far between. Sorry for that. I'm mostly sorry to myself. I know I will want the thoughts in my head - I think through words to write on here, but then never make time for it. It's a bad habit. It's true, with four little boys and the various jobs that come with that it's hard to find the time, but I could if I really wanted to. I'm finding the time this morning, but my two year old is clammering upstairs and needs to be gotten out of bed.
Here's the short: I'm asking for prayer specifically for my health - It's a long story and to some may be interesting enough to read, and that is all below if you want to, but if you don't I just ask for prayer when you think of it. My vertigo attacks have returned and are more frequent and last longer than usual and we really have no clue why. By God's grace I am able to process through them with a lot less panic than I have in years past, but it doesn't change the battle of anxiety that I fight through because of them. Thank you, and if you are interested in what is going on, keep reading.
I had a three day long vertigo attack last week. I noticed my left ear "stuffing up" like it used to do years ago - it stuffed up for several days. Sunday night I went to bed expecting it to just clear up without much problem, like's it done for years - I didn't expect to have a vertigo attack the next day that would last for three solid days. By God's grace it wasn't dibilitating and I was able to stay on the couch downstairs and take care of the boys with the help of Elijah, our 8 year old, and several friends that were in and out and our Turkish helper Hatice. When my left ear gained it's normal hearing back and the boat rocking feeling let up I was hopeful that it was a one time fluke, or that I would at least have weeks to recover before the next one. There's always been a next one. They've never lasted more than 12 hours, so this one was confusing. I'm not sure if I'd rather have dibilitating or days long.
This past Saturday afternoon I noticed my hearing fading again, in that all too familiar and dreaded way that it does - years ago this meant an attack was imminent, but that only lasted for the first 9 months of the disease. It started when Judah was 3 months old, and was terrifying. It continued when we moved to Florida and seemed to worsen. In early October I cut gluten out of my diet in a desperate effort to try something that might help. I've gone through strange periods of life where gluten just doesn't mesh with my system. Up until that October I'd all but lost the hearing in my left year and was left with whooshing, whiring, hissing and idle truck engine sounds, constantly, which cancelled out much of the sound I was still able to hear in that ear. I felt sad all the time and hurt and had a very difficult time keeping up with my three year old and 9 month old boys. I cut the gluten out and my energy level spiked within 36 hours. Many of the sounds I was hearing in my left ear disappeared and my hearing slowly returned to almost normal.
There was significant damage done to my inner ear in those early months, so my hearing has never fully returned.
Fast forward through several years, a few minor attacks without the preceeding stuffy ear.
I had Luke in Colorado and came home to winter weather on the island - rainy season. I fought from early February to the beginning of Septmeber to figure out why I was having borerline vertigo attacks on an almost weekly basis, mild vertigo every afternoon, persistent headaches, and a seeming inability to really process through thoughts or carry on adult conversations without a struggle to come up with the words I was trying to say. I was confused, exhuasted constantly, I hurt everywhere and though I enjoyed time with my children, my desire and motivation to do much of anything was very low. After the fact we think it was a combination of postpartum depression that we didn't recognize (because I'd convinced myself and Josh that I certainly was not depressed) and migraine headaches that were leading to an almost perpetual feeling of rocking on a boat. I started reading again, after years of being able to put away my fears about having "Meniere's disease" that I'd been diagnosed with when Judah was 3 months old. I came across the migraine foundation website and found an article about Vestibular migraines. I read over it several times, relieved that for once something seemed to fit everything I was feeling. So that is what I've assumed I have. It's most likely either Meniere's or Vestibular Migraines. They act much the same- and a diagnosis of either is very difficult to obtain, so I'm left guessing. I read more about migraines and tried cutting out "Tyramine", a substance that develops in food as it ages, or is intentionally aged. The list is long and somewhat depressing, but I noticed the benefits right away. There seemed to still be something bothering me so I started what would be a 5 week long detailed food log and from it decided to cut out corn. Once again, I seemed to have found the golden ticket. Things got better - very quickly. For a year and a half now I've been avoiding those foods, and paying for it when I don't avoid them.
So, that's where we are currently; a bit confused and blindsided by these most recent issues. I don't know what to equate them to, and in my sinful nature I struggle with that -I don't like being out of control of the situation. I am utterly out of control, but the foods that I've cut out have always given me a false sense of control over my symptoms, until last week.
The Lord is gracious and always provides help when I need it. My biggest fear since the very beginning of this has been the wellbeing of my boys. The symptoms are obnoxious and I'd prefer to not have to deal with them, but the boys are young and I have always worried about what would happen if I had an attack where there was no help. That has never happened. His grace is sufficient. We will continue to do what we can to try to get to the bottom of this, but there may be no bottom to get to. It may be either Meniere's or Vestibular Migraines, both of which are incurable, confusing to patients and health care professionals alike and individuals are left with simply managing symptoms when they arise. For me there seems to be several factors that set them off, including storm systems, seasonal allergies (Florida, the Azores and here that is all year) and some dietary things. I tend to dissect everything to death to try to come to the bottom of why things are happening the way they are, but the final answer always remains that we live in a broken world with broken bodies and I will endure suffering of some sort of another all through my life. This is part of the (very minor, in the grand scheme of things) suffering that I endure.
The beautiful side of it just that: truly beautiful.
It forces me to slow down. Last week I spent those three days at eye level with the boys. I was climbed on, kissed over and over again, and asked constantly how I was feeling. I watched several movies with the boys and did what school with them I could while leaning my 20 pound head to the left on my hand (tilting to the left seems to help - not sure why) at the table or laying on the couch. It was a very slow three days, and they were all trapped inside because of the torrential downpour that was happening outside. He provides, and is gracious. We are surrounded by support and have access to medical care. I am not hurting, just inconvenienced a bit.
God is sovereign over this, just as he is with everything else, and nothing that is happening in or to my body is a suprise to Him. It's a peice of the masterpeice puzzle he's created - I'm eager to see if we'll understand where it fits.