Hungry - constantly

I stood in the kitchen a bit ago, panting through a too big bite of Hot Tamales my dear friend brought to me when she came to pick up some of laundry to do because our washer is broken (I love her, dearly!)  She's been at the commissary with me recently and I had lamented that there were no Hot Tamales available for purchase.  I've been craving them for weeks.  As I savored the wonderful flavor and the feeling of heat I slipped into a very short lived sour attitude about how hungry I am, really all the time right now.  I've cut out a ton of foods in a half desperate attempt to find a solution to some health issues that I'm growing weary of dealing enduring.  Between the migraines, constant sinus pressure and pain, ear pain and hearing fluctuation and tinnitus in my left ear and a nearly constant sense of being on a rocking boat I've grown tired of waiting around for it to resolve.  So I've chosen to take action.  For 1 month (ish) I'm cutting out a huge laundry list of "mights".  The National Headache Foundation has a list of migraine triggers on their website.  I've cut them all out - even the ones in the "with caution" category.  I've also chosen to cut out dairy in hopes that maybe, POSSIBLY that is causing my constant sinus congestion.  Though, I will say, there is NO reputable study that shows that dairy DOES actually cause increased mucus production that could cause lashback in your sinuses.  Having a physician for a husband (and a very patient, understanding and eager to listen one at that!), I feel like I'm constantly swaying back and forth between letting the REAL researchers (not blog "researchers - we're talking NIH here!) do the work for me so I don't have to waste my time, and pushing that aside and saying, "Well, just because THEY haven't found it to be true doesn't mean it's not true!"  There's room for both -

 (You conspiracy theorists calm yourselves down.  The medical community, on a large scale, is not out to get you!   They don't spend thousands of hours of their lives (and their families lives) and a million-ish dollars getting educated so they can waste your time and take your precious moneys and lie to you about what is actually good for you.  They aren't sneaky.  I'm married to a doc, and take it from me, he loses a lot of sleep over the well-being of his patients!)

I turned this into a rant, and it wasn't going to be.  

Here's what I have to say.  

I feel SO completely blessed, and fortunate and humbled.  

I am MORE hungry now in these past few days of starting this month long diet than I have EVER been.  In my LIFE!  

I feel hungry pretty much all.the.time.   I've opened the fridge many times these past couple of days and just stared, wondering what the CRAP I'm going to eat.   (I've gotten very creative - and I've eaten a lot of home made nut free granola with coconut milk)

It's gotten frustrating, more than once.  

          But it's not for lack of food.

          It's not for lack of money for food.

I have all but a few of those "trigger" items in my pantry and in my fridge.  Until a few days ago I ate many of them on a daily basis.  

I'm hungry right now because I CHOOSE to be, not because I have no choice otherwise.  

I have NEVER wondered where my next meal would come from.  

I have NEVER wondered if we would have enough money to purchase food for our children or ourselves.

I have NEVER gone hungry because we haven't had enough food for a meal.

NOT EVER!

MY.WHOLE.LIFE!  NOT EVER!

          It's a very humbling and eye opening experience to feel hungry all the time.  

          

Thank you Jesus, for helping me see this.