Yellowstone Park and Flathead Lake

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The timing of this roadtrip didn't seem like it would bump so closely into moving, initially, but we are thankful it did. For so many reasons.  The main one being that we came back (mostly me, since Josh can leave anywhere without much heart hurt) ready to pack and move on.  It will still be painful, for sure, but being away for two weeks helped me transition out of Minot mode.  I am thankful for that.  

We drove to Billings early on Tuesday the 1st, stayed the night at our Aunt Lorrie's house.  We hadn't been there since Joel was 1, so it was really neat to spend the time with her.  We left the next morning, stopped for coffee in Red Lodge, MT, a frequently visited town of my childhood, and then too the route to come down into the Northwest gate of Yellowstone.  It took us over Beartooth pass, a more frequented place of my childhood.  WOW the nostalgia as we pulled off at the scenic overlooks along the way.  Between the scent of those delicious high altitude pines and the oh so familiar views and our pit stop at the "Top of the World Store" to get a few small treats for the boys, I felt like a kid again.  

We camped with friends from Turkey at Henry's Lake, just inside the Idaho border.  It's a campground designed for RV's, we're assuming, of folks that head into the park during the day.  The lake was beautiful, but filled with leaches (learned that the hard way...) and there were no trees in the camp sights, so sticking around during the day wasn't ideal.  We enjoyed the park, delicious camp stove dinners, s'mores, incredible sunsets and sunrises, guitar and worship songs around the campfire and the company of an old friend from Turkey and his beautiful newlywed bride.  

We drove the quick hour to Ennis, MT on Friday morning to spend the rest of that day at Josh's grandma Storey's house.  We hadn't been there since Elijah was one, so it was really neat to introduce all the boys to the house their Grandpa Storey grew up in and the incredibly beautiful surrounding area.  It was a much needed afternoon of rest, refreshment and prep for the upcoming week at Flathead lake.  

Saturday morning we packed back up and headed North to Missoula to pick up a wave runner and then trek the rest of the way to the lake.  Though smokey, it was really fun to see the Mission Mountain range again.  It's a nostalgic drive, and being that it had been 6 summer since we were last able to do this trip with the rest of the Storey family, we were very ready for this respite.  And a beautiful respite it was.   Cousins are old enough now to really enjoy each other and what a treat it was to see them interact with one another.  Josh and I were able to get to know Brothers and Sisters better, as we've been so far separated for so long.  The days were filled with wonderful company, time in the unusually glassy Flathead water that was not as icy as usual but not warm enough for swimmers itch.  It honestly couldn't have been a more perfect week in the water!  We got most of the kiddos up on the boogie board, several of them up on skis and I was able to drop a ski and get that pesky back foot in and stay upright for just a few triumphant moments while double skiing with Josh before taking a hard face plant into the water after traversing another boat's leftover wake ripples.  Id' been trying all week, and succeeded three times toward the end after taking a few days off because I was so sore from falling time and time again that I could hardly walk.  ha!  


 

The time was sweet balm for our souls as we geared up for this move of which we are now in the throws.  Time with our extended family was definitely the most precious part of the gift of that week.  

moving prep, savoring every day life, and scale removal

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Moving prep has been in full swing since we got back from our roadtrip on June 24th.  I started immediately, knowing things would get crazy in the last couple of weeks because of our trip to Flathead Lake in Montana with Josh's family at the beginning of August.  What an whirlwind summer.  My goodness!  While being tremendously busy with trying to prep, organize, repair and purge the house and our belongings, I've had to be very intentional about taking breaks to invest in the boys.  They're individual ways of dealing with the stress of a move are already showing up, and it's astounding to me with each move how they tend to deal with it much the way they did, individually, during the last move.  Sweet boys.  They are worlds ahead of where I was at their age in resiliency.  They keep asking me when we are getting to our Omaha house, and Luke continuously asks me why I'm putting things in boxes and painting walls back to white and disassembling the decorations we have around the house.  There's just no adequate way to explain it to his little mind.  Josh caught a flight at 7:30pm last night out of Minot and landed in Omaha at 11:30, was up again at 5:00 and drove to Denison to do a shift at the ER all for the sake of providing a paystub to our underwriting company to prove he has a job.....even though they have the contract.  :/ That's been a frustrating process to walk through, as we were told it wasn't necessary, and then that changed two days before our original closing date (we didn't close, clearly).  So, the new closing date is tentatively set for mired-August and we are hoping there are no more snags.  He will have to provide paystubs from two more shifts that he'll work the week we get to Omaha - the arbitrary numbers they throw at us are confusing, but we'll do what they ask to avoid losing the house.  
The Lord continues to be gracious and patient with my waffling and emotional heart and shows me his guiding hand in various ways throughout the days leading up to this move.  Josh sat with me and listened to me weep and work through all the aching parts of my heart a couple days ago when I was feeling to utterly overwhelmed and sad about the next two months.  

-We are moving for the third summer in a row, the 5th time in 4 years if we count the evacuation leaving me and the boys out of our own home for 5 months last summer.
-We are moving from a community that we love, so entirely
-We are separating from the military - the only life we've known for the past 7 years
-We are moving to a city specifically with the intent of starting our missions training - something    that had to be on hold while in the military - that in itself is overwhelming on so many levels!

-The Lord is doing some serious, gentle, beautiful work on my heart - the running theme seems to be obedience in the call of suffering and missions.  I've asked that he prepare me to be obedient to step into what he calls us to, regardless of the environment, and he's certainly begun to ever so gently and graciously break down the parts of my heart that want to run the other direction.  He's working out areas of pride I didn't know existed in my heart - deep in there and as they work their way to the surface I can see the ways they've effected my view of others and who He has called me to be.  I'm being humbled in areas I didn't think were necessary.  It hurts, but it's so very necessary.  I often think of Eustace in Voyage of the Dawn Treader, standing by the water as Aslan pulls the scaly layers from his dragon body - he pulls a layer, Eustace washes it off in the pool, and another layer is removed.  The pool soothes the pain in between, and the removal hurts like nothing Eustace has experienced, but he knows it's necessary and it's intensely relieving.            
 At times I weep simply because of how gentle and gracious He is - so intensely powerful and sovereign, and so patient and gracious in the way that he is showing me His heart for the lost and giving me a longing to obey the Great Commission more intense than I had imagined I could have, but first there are scaly layers that must be removed.  

 

Here's some pictures of our lives from this past week.  Last night I went to the front door to lock it and noticed the sky was pink.  I walked outside and witnessed some of the most beautiful clouds I've seen in my life thus far.  I watched for a bit by myself and decided it was too beautiful for the three older boys, who were all just freshly put to bed and surely still awake, to not see!  I ran and got them and we spent nearly and hour watching two separate sections of huge puffy clouds converge into one massive thunder storm that was slowly blowing to the East.  

July babies

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Joel was born 3 years and 364 days after Elijah.  This means the mid July week is a bit hectic with birthday activities.  And to add, this year Elijah turned double digits.  Goodness gracious!  It's hard to swallow, that our oldest has been breathing air for a full decade!

We took Monday through Wednesday and retreated to a Lake on the border of Canada.  We rented a bare bones cabin for two nights and enjoyed some time in the "mountains" of North Dakota.  What a beautiful area!  We left morning mid morning and drove to the International Peace Garden that is no-mans land on the border of ND and Manitoba, Canada.  It was fun to see the Canadian border again, as it's been 14 years since I left CBC and I haven't been back up that far North since.  We forgot our passports at home, so there was no driving across the border just to say we did, which really bummed me out.  But the peace garden is half in Canadian territory, so I'm counting it!  

We spent a few hours milling around at the garden and driving around the trails on the Canadian side of it.  From there we drove the 25 minutes up to Turtle Mountain Park and made our way to our cabin.  It was a bit overwhelming, initially, as we've never "camped" with the boys.  Josh and I both grew up camping - TRUE camping, not in a cabin, so we know better than to call cabin sleeping camping, but it was a good way to ease into it while trying to manage the craziness that is our brood.  And we were so entirely thankful for our cabin late that first night when we were getting pounded by one of the loudest thunder storms we've experienced.  Between the thunder and torrential downpour of rain, there wasn't much sleep to be had.  
Tuesday we ate a quick breakfast and made for the trails.  Aspens, paper birch (goodness I love those trees!), oaks, cottonwoods and various other deciduous trees provide endless green surrounding the lakes in the area.  We were covered head in toe with deet to avoid bites, but were delighted to have not found one single tick, on anyone!  I was expecting many!  We all crashed for naps after a quick lunch upon returning to the cabin, and that afternoon we drove over to the little beach on the main lake, "Metagoshe".  A chicken salad, s'mores and a hilarious game of frisbee keep away from the boys finished out the evening.  


Wednesday was Joel's 6th birthday, and we greeted it with a pancake, egg, bacon and fresh blueberries and peaches breakfast.  Packing commenced and we were headed home by 9:30.  Josh spent much of the drive home on the phone back and forth with different folks, as we'd received word the night before, via email, that we wouldn't be closing on our house Friday as we were supposed to because though we were told he didn't need a pay stub the underwriters for the loan required one - he had this week off to go do a couple shifts for that very reason, but we planned this last minute trip with the boys after being told we wouldn't need to provide that pay stub.  So stress was heavy as he scrambled to figure out when to get to Iowa to work a shift, if the sellers were going to get cold feet and back out, and how on earth to work any of this into the JAM PACKED next few weeks we have in Minot.   The details behind that are an entirely separate post.
 Joel's birthday dinner Wednesday night was "crusty chicken", artichokes and a dirt and worm cake for dessert.  Gifts followed and Elijah decided to open his with Joel.  The evening consisted of playing with birthday gifts, running off the sugar rush from the dessert and Josh and Elijah putting together Elijah's new birthday bike.

 

Thursday we woke up to a 10 year old!  Crazy!  He enjoyed his donut breakfast and building his k'nex gun that he'd opened the night before.  We made our way to the indoor splash pad later in the morning and finished the day at our dear friend's farm, the Bonnesses, our pastor and his family.  How we treasure these people, their heart for the Gospel and their love for their flock!  Elijah asked for home made pizza because regular pizza was "too easy" for a birthday dinner.  hahahaha!  So pizza it was, along with a salad and an Andes Mint starwars cake.  The starwars theme was a surprise - thank you, Amazon, for providing fun candy moulds!  We ate, loaded pigs into a trailer to head to the butchers the next day, played with precious kittens, had a water balloon fight and thoroughly enjoyed the time with the Bonnesses.  They and the church are the very reason that leave Minot is going to be so entirely painful.

We didn't leave the farm until well after 9:00, and the boys weren't asleep until 10:00, but it was worth every minute!  We sure cherish the minutes we get with this precious boys and are thankful for each passing year we get to celebrate their lives.
The birthday madness is over and it's back to the scramble of packing, organizing, purging and trying to work the details of pack-out dates, a new closing date for the house, when to get Josh to Iowa to work a measly 12 hour shift all for the sake of one paystub (good gracious) to prove his job is real.  Onward and forward.  

Follow your heart! ????? GOOD GRACIOUS, NO!

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Following MY particular heart during this transition period in our next few months would mean.....I don't even know.  We wouldn't have a CLUE where we were going to end up!  We wouldn't be purchasing the house that the Lord has clearly, so clearly, directed us to.  We wouldn't be moving.  And then we would.  And then we wouldn't.  But then we would.  It would all depend who I'd talked to most recently; one of my beloved friends here who we feel a deepening connection with just in the past month or two, or my beloved mother-in-law in Omaha whom I am so entirely excited to live near, and all her excitement about the missions opportunities for us that she reads about (as the missions director for the regional office for C&MA there in Omaha) and is eager to tell to me.
Like a wave tossed to and fro is my heart in the midst of a move.  The change, the upheaval and change in routine, the untangling my heart from the face to face relationships here, the excitement for the new relationships the Lord is going to provide, the disassembling of our home, the anticipation of a "fresh canvas", the sound of packing tape and the feel of cardboard boxes between my fingers (which I have always hated - long before our life of moving every year or two started) It's all enough to bring on unexpected bouts of crying, excited tiny claps of my hands and ultimately it leads me once again into an intense longing for our true home - that we'll never have to leave, nor will anyone else.  But in the meantime, our lives are filled with this profoundly painful process of leaving, in all it's messiness.  
I was making Chicken Tava (Turkish) this morning for a friend's going away party at Josh's clinic. I I still have some of the sweet pepper paste that Hatiće gave me right before we left Turkey last March so we could make the dish for family while home on our one month vacation.  I haven't made it since then and haven't had the courage to open the container and breath in the delicious, familiar aroma of the paste - Hatice taught me how to make that dish.  We worked side by side many times as she showed me just how much of everything, in her beautifully haphazard way, to use.  She would dip her finger in the sauce that pooled at the bottom of the pan after hand mixing it all together and stick it promptly into her mouth.  A moment of contemplation usually led to, "yes. good.  It's yum."  I laughed the first time she did it, "Hatice!  That's raw chicken!"  She shrugged and laughed it off.  "Never get sick, me.  Strong tummy!", as she rubbed her belly, indicating a clear carefree attitude about the dangers of raw chicken.

 
I stood and looked down at the glass 9x13 on the counter, filled with the unmixed ingredients, and let a few warm tears streak my cheeks.  How I wish she was standing next to me, using mostly body language to communicate as we chuckled our way through the mess of making a meal together.  What I wouldn't give to say a more permanent goodbye to her, instead of a "see you in a month".

 To feel those sweet Turkish kisses on each cheek and feel her mama bear hug and listen to her talk to my boys like an adoring grandma does would be balm for my aching heart.  I took a picture and messaged it to her on Facebook and used google translate to ask how long it needed to bake - that I couldn't remember.  

I sat at the computer to take a break after sliding the pan into the oven.  I checked facebook and like salt in a wound a memory from two years ago today popped up - the day we left our "Casa by the Sea" in the Azores.  In the picture my face is puffy and red from crying and my sweet Manuela is holding Luke and looks downcast, forcing a smile.  We'd spent the morning cleaning the house together, assuring it would pass inspection - we cleaned and cried.

  That precious woman was so much of what made our time there so special - so many of my memories in that house hold her in it. And she is only one of the relationships.  There were so, so many we departed from as our season there ended.  Some of them we have seen face to face again and some of them we haven't.  The same for our time in Turkey, as well, abbreviated as it was.  Our community was close and so difficult to be so abruptly separated from.  And all the way back to our time in Florida - the 1st really really difficult place to leave - they have all hurt, but that was the first one of our marriage where I felt like I was being torn away from "home".  Each place we've been since then we've intentionally and by the grace of God alone have built community more quickly.  But with that comes the pain of leaving that community.  

 So the leaving - the upheaval, that wretched feel of cardboard and the screeching sound of packing tape and the tight knot in my throat - those places, those people is what it has brought us.  If not for the leaving we wouldn't have gained those incredible relationships.
So, we savor the time we have left and continue to build relationships with intentionality instead of pulling away. When it's time to pull away from Minot, a mere 12 months after arriving with apprehension about and anticipation of what our season here would hold, we will go with the aching in our hearts and hope for that glorious day when, with our dearest of family of fellow believers we've been so very privileged to meet along each of these seasons, we will kneel at the throne of the most beautiful relationship any one human can have and worship Him side by side - with no more leaving.  Forever.

So this is why I don't follow my heart.  If I had, if we had followed my heart, we would not have experienced any of this, but would have remained in one place.  What we would have missed!  

Lead on, Lord, lead on!   

Wyoming - home for my heart

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Leaving Minot for a 2 1/2 week vacation was harder knowing we have so little time there this summer before we pack up the house and move to the Omaha area in the early fall.  But we have leave to use.  A lot of leave, on account of being at two remote bases where we couldn't use Josh's accrued leave for 3 straight years.  So instead of selling it all back at the end of our AF commitment we decided to use as much of it that the med group and Minot AFB would allow us to use over the summer.  The trip originally was going to take place over 4 1/2 weeks (not sure what I was thinking), but I quickly decided that was overboard and we slimmed it to 3 1/2 weeks.  We had the go ahead from Josh's leadership, but were notified a week from our departure date that 3 1/2 weeks was simply too much time to be gone from the clinic, so we chopped off the first week and left a week later.  The last week and a half that we were schedule to be in Omaha for house hunting was, by the Lord's beautiful and faithful provision, no longer needed as we'd already put in an offer on a house and had started the purchase process (that's an entirely different post).  So cutting off the first week of the trip and shifting everything back put us in Omaha with just enough time to have a couple down days (one to view the house!) and for Josh to do his ATLS course that has been scheduled for months.

Wednesday the 7th at a dark 3:30am, we pulled out of the driveway to plow forward on a road we'd not yet traveled.  The boys and I woke earlier than we typically do on these early morning drives since it's summer now and the sun rises entirely too early.  We hung sheets in the back windows to attempt a longer morning sleep time for the boys, but it was in vain.  Western ND, the small bit of SD and the Eastern parts of Wyoming we drove through were stunning!  Green rolling hills, pastures and marshlands dotted the ND countryside and led into the Black Hills of Spearfish SD and sloped down into the beauty of Sundance, Wyoming.  We hadn't realized when mapping the trip how close we'd be to Devil's tower, so we were excited to see a sign that noted it was a mere 20 miles off our path.  There wasn't much discussion about if it was worth the detour or not.  The answer was obvious.  We veered off the beaten trail and made our way through the stunning Wyoming countryside while trying to explain to the boys what they were about to see and the theories on how it formed.  We pulled into the parking area at the base of the tower, mouths hanging open and felt dwarfed by it's enormity.  Josh and I both have vague recollection of seeing the tower from afar, but neither of us had a clue of the spectacular land surrounding it.  We stepped out of the car and immediately with my first intentional deep inhale I was flooded with childhood memories of camping trips and Bible camp in the bighorn mountains.  There's something about those high altitude pines that smells so entirely different than any other pine's aroma I've experienced.  The higher up we climbed and the closer to the tower we got, the more the smell overwhelmed me.  I felt like a child again, hopping from rock to rock in Dead Swede Campground in the bighorns, humming to myself, gentle, in a sing songy way.  I couldn't have held back my perpetual smile if I'd tried.  I felt home.  It never ceases to amaze me the emotions the scent of something so deeply familiar can conjure up.  
Now and then I'd emerge from my child mind dreamland and remember where we were.  I'd peer up through the pines at the tower, always changing in it's appearance as we made our way around the trail, for a while blocking the sun and allowing just enough hint of light to burst forth over the top, giving delicious sun glare for a picture - and at other times, showing all it's most prominent parts in sunlit glory that led into it's deeply shadowed crevices growing shrubs and the hardiest of flowering plants.  It was such an incredible sight.  We saw a doe grazing along the hillside, wary of our presence, but brave enough to let us look on her delicate frame for just long enough to delight in her beauty.  A snake winded it's way across the path, startling the boys, but posing no threat.  It was all just such a rejuvenating experience!
We had a picnic lunch in the area below the tower and then stopped at an ice cream shop in Sundance after the hike and enjoyed delicious soft serve before heading back to our route to Cheyenne. 

We spent about 2 total hours of unplanned time traveling to, hiking around and then getting back to the interstate and it was worth every second of it.  
The rest of the drive to Cheyenne went smoothly, and as a born and raised (until my 22nd year of life) Wyomingite I was honestly somewhat shocked at the beauty of the Eastern side of the state this time of year.  I'm well seasoned on the beauty parts of Wyoming CAN hold, but also on the desert condition most of it so often displays.  We hit it at just the right time, before drought settles in and makes everthing a pale shade of yellow, with only the bluffs, vast sky and clusters of antelope left to look at.  My dad had called the day before to proudly notify us that we were going to be traveling through the likeness of the green, rolling hills of Ireland.  It was beautiful, indeed.  He'd also mentioned in the conversation that my brother, sister in law and two nephews would be rolling into his place in the wee morning hours of Saturday, after returning from a vacation in Mexico.  We rearranged our Saturday plans to be in Laramie so that we could stay and see them.  It's been a full 9 years since Josh has seen them, and only the third time in the past 9 years that I've seen them, so we were really excited.
We arrived at my Dad and Mel's place just outside of Cheyenne by 4:00 or so and spent the afternoon and evening refreshing ourselves in their pool - perfect after a long car ride.  Mel had fresh grilled salmon, steamed broccoli and a chilled veggie salad (must.get.recipe!) ready for dinner.  What a wonderful way to end a long day of travel!  

Thursday morning we woke multiple times to the smell of vomit from two of our boys, so we decided, instead of loading back up right away and heading to hike at Vedawoo as we'd planned we would lay low for the morning and then head to Laramie for the afternoon barring any further development in the stomach bug department.  Thankfully the rest of us were spared.  We figured a day of car food followed by a hearty dinner and hours of pool fun did them no favors!
Josh's brother Nathan and our sister-in-law and two nieces and nephew live in Laramie, along with Josh's sister, Amy.  I realized a bit into the visit that we'd not had time, ever, with just Nate and Heather for more than an hour or so.  What a delight it was to spend time with them, outside the context of the chaos that ensues during whole family holiday get-togethers, where getting to really sit and talk to someone just doesn't happen.  We enjoyed every minute of it.  Park time for the kids (was supposed to be splash pad time, until a storm cloud rolled over the very minute we unloaded at the splash pad),  a pizza and sushi picnic in the park pavilion and gin and tonic back at their adorable house.  We said our goodbye past all the kids bedtime and headed back to Cheyenne, knowing that we will have ample time with them in August when we are up at Flathead Lake in Montana.  That made it easier to say goodbye after such a short afternoon.


Friday we spent the morning at VedaWoo hiking (made my mama heart nervous - those BOYS and their adventurous walk near the edge spirits!) and the afternoon in the pool with my dad, who was able to take the afternoon off.  After dinner a lifelong friend of mine, Robin, and her husband and two precious boys came for some pool time and we hunkered down in the water to avoid the chilly breeze, wondering what possessed us to get in the pool with all our little boys.  It's always a delight to be with her and her hilarious self.  If we lived closer, I think she and I would spend much time together!  Or time was abbreviated, which was sad, but it's so entirely impossible to cram in all the visits with loved ones in such a short window!  I'm a ninny and didn't get a picture of us together.  GAH!


Saturday was spent mostly in the pool, getting to know Christopher and Phoebe as much as we could in the short window of time we had before both of us had to hit the road, going opposite directions.  I realized after we left to head to Colorado that I have no memory of being able to sit and talk to Phoebe just the two of us.  It was neat to have that time with her, as it is with anyone that I usually spend time with in family crowds.  (I haven't a clue why I didn't get a pic of us couples together!  Gracious!)
We decided to let the boys skip their afternoon quiet time to spend time with cousins, Jay and Paul, in the pool and head out after nap time would typically end.  It was well worth the exhausted (and wildly sunburned) boys it gave us that evening at my mom's in Idaho Springs, CO.  (seriously, Elijah FRIED!  He's never in his life had a sunburn!  We were totally irresponsible and didn't pay attention, but to our defense he has only ever turned a beautiful olive in the sun).


We pulled out of the driveway about 3:15 and made our way across the Wyoming border down in to the Front Range of Colorado and up into the mountains to my mom's house.  Those mountains!  Does a heart good to see those!      

Off we go - but not into the "wild blue yonder"

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This may be blathery - and long - I'm jittery thinking on it all, and I need to get going and do school with the boys and we've got a crazy full day of other stuff ahead of us.  So, sorry for typos or repeats or ramblings.  :)

I distinctly remember when I was a little girl not wanting to marry a doctor.  I have no idea why I felt this way.  As I got older and we moved to a town with a military base and I was exposed to a very sheltered view of military life, I added on not wanting to be married to a military member.  
My bride groom is a family practice doc and we signed a contract to do a military med school scholarship nearly 11 years ago.  We made that decision as a team, but I was very much submitting to the fact that my husband felt led in that direction.  OH the adventures it has taken us on!  I am so utterly thankful that the Lord's design for our lives is better than what we could have dreamt as a child.  
Last night Josh sat on the couch, after a lengthy conversation with a hiring agent that set us up with the ER interview we'd traveled to last week, and signed the electronic contract.  

Here we go!

Here we go!

 

There's just a whole huge slew of feelings that are all wrapped up in this change.  Getting out of the military has always been this far off thing - and now it's here!  And where are we headed, after all the crazy places we've lived and seen?  We are headed to good ol' Omaha, NE.  A place that, before last summer, was never on our radar.  During our evacuation process from Turkey, Josh's dad followed in obedience and accepted a job in Omaha after pastoring River of Life Alliance Church in Grand Junction for 15 years.  Grand Junction, CO is home to the whole Storey family.  We assumed that's where we'd end up after our AF commitment and Rob and Lyn didn't see themselves leaving their beloved home, ever.  But the Lord makes things clear and we follow in obedience.  So, since they are in Omaha, Grand Junction became less of an obvious choice.  It's been a hard switch to make, after 15 years of calling it home.  
Why Omaha? - We've examined this question closely - our heart, since med school, has been to serve our time in the military and thrive where God places us and then get out at the end of the med school payback commitment and start actively and aggressively working toward the calling we feel the Lord has put in our hearts - to use Josh's practice of medicine, and the giftings that I've been given to obey the Great Commission. What does that look like in our human heads right now? - overseas medical missions in an area where medicine isn't readily available.  We don't know the time frame or location at this point, but we are so eager and excited to soon be out from under the government's thumb (I do not intend that to sound negative) so we can pursue this dream. We'd love to launch in 3 to 5 years, but again, the Lord works in the way he will and we will follow whatever time frame he has mapped out for us.  We know that he's already paved the way - that he has been using each season of our lives as training, to prepare us for the particular mission he has for us, wether that does turn into an overseas remote location or He keeps us in the U.S.  Either way, with the job that he's signed on for (two 24 hours shifts per week) we will have ample time for both of us to go back to school and focus on Bible and mission specific knowledge (language and culture training - adaptation to new cultures...etc.).  The Omaha area is experiencing incredible growth in the C&MA denomination.  Church plants are launching and experiencing rapid growth through new conversion.  The Gospel is a beautiful thing, indeed, and we are so excited for the chance to jump in with both feet and work with a church plant and fill our heads and hearts with as much beautiful truth as possible alongside fellow believers that have the same passion for the Great Commission as we do.  

So, we finish our our few months here and then off to NE we go.  

It's been so exciting to see how the Lord uses these season of life so strategically.  From the small groups we've had at each location, to our growing understanding of the Word through the beautiful AF family he's blessed us with at each station, to the E-Free Church he led us to here, he's each step to feed our hunger for Him and to increase our desire to follow his call on our hearts to cherish Christ above all else and to share Him with those who've had no access to His beauty.  OH goodness!  It's hard for me to sit still and contain my excitement over this.  

So, we follow in obedience with full confidence that our beautiful Creator has already paved the way, as he's proven to do in every season he's brought us through - and we are so eager to see what life in Omaha holds! (and also are so excited to live near family again, for however long!  It's been a long haul!)

Join us in prayer about all this?  Thank you!

 

Also, my previous few posts have insight into this, if you feel like reading my mind's constantly turning gears.

Travel and a field trip

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I think we are making up for lost time - time that we were stationed overseas and weren't able to or allowed to just hop in the car and drive as far as we wanted.  Josh had a med conference in Seattle in mid March (the same conference he was attending last year in Denver when we found out we wouldn't be returning to Turkey as a family), flew back and spent a mere 26 hours in Minot before driving the boys and I down to Omaha to be at Rob and Lyn's for the time he was in Germany.  I was joined there by Hannah and her three tots and Shelby.  We spent Friday evening to Thursday morning (Hannah and the kiddos left on Wed at nap time) in communal living and enjoying sweet sister time.  Though we established that it was all well under-planned and that we would not ever repeat that scenerio, we were all so thankful for the time we had together.  Part of our motivation to heading to Omaha was to escape three large snow storm systems that were supposed to slam this area in the course of the week.  Omaha was forecasted to be sunny and in the 50s all week.  Oh the irony.  It was warmer and sunnier in Minot for much of the week and was snowy, cold and cloudy in Omaha for the entire week we were there.  Having 7 kiddos age 9 and down under one roof for that long with little to do (too cold for the zoo and scheduling conflicts for the museum) proved to be a stressful and rather exhausting challenge, and because of the last minute nature of the trip due to having to wait to see if weather would permit the drive, we didn't plan well.  ha!  We learned much and are, again, thankful for the time together and for the incredible servant hearted hosting of my mother and father-in-law.

The weather has been warming, thankfully, and we've all but lost our snow.  It was really incredible to watch the landscape change so drastically over a few days.  We went from 2 feet of frozen tundra in our front yard to being able to walk through the front yard to the mailbox without boots on in just a matter of days.  We've been soaking up as much outdoor time as possible.  What a treat this spring will be after the longest winter we've experienced as a family, and the first "real" winter our boys have ever been through.

Last Wednesday afternoon (the 3rd) Josh and I flew to Omaha sans boys.  My sweet friend, Amy, and her gracious family watched the boys for the couple days we were gone.  We stayed with Josh's parents and enjoyed key lime cheesecake with them on Wed night and left early Thursday morning to drive to a little farm town in Iowa for an interview for Josh for an ER job.  I honestly cannot remember the last time I was in a situation like that, where I had to be aware of the conversation and engaged, and be.......proper and act civilized, but still be myself!  hahaha!  It took some restraint on my part to quiet down my otherwise loud personality throughout the day on Thursday, knowing that they brought both of us for the interview to be sure Josh would be a good fit for the hospital and that the job would be a good fit for our family.  What a neat group of folks they were, and there will be no need in the future of Josh's job there to feel like I have to proper around them!  They were just about as laid back as possible.  Formality won't be necessary from now on and that's a relief!  It was really fascinating listening to the financial and logistical side of what it takes to run a hospital.  The energy, cost and time that go in to helping health and saving lives in our country is astounding and made me so thankful for our docs and nurses who devote their lives to helping others.  And this is a rather small hospital.  I'm sure the gears of larger hospitals have to be even more well oiled to keep the machine running - and it takes a lot of people with really intelligent, devoted brains to do so!   We drove back to Omaha (about 90 minutes) and took a swing by a few houses we'd saved to our favorites in our zillow app, and were able to "un-heart" a couple of them because of locations.  It feel so surreal to be looking at separating from the military and not having the government tell us where to go and how long to stay and what to do and what house we have to live in.  We get to make those choices for ourselves and it feel intimidating - so much "adulting" in the next 6 months as we change seasons of life from being active duty to civilians!  We met at Rob and Lyn's house for a quick lunch and then loaded back up to go house hunting with them, just for fun, before heading to the airport for our scheduled 5:30 flight.  Because of the storms in Atlanta over the past week our flight, along with most other flights, was delayed and left us sitting for a few hours people watching as crowds grew and agitation was apparent.  So many missed connections, ours included.  We arrived in Minneapolis nearly 3 hours later than scheduled, so they stuck us on the last flight into Minot, which also ended up being delayed by an hour and a half.  We.were.tanked by the time we pulled into our driveway at 1:45 a.m.   A long few days indeed!     
Because that didn't seem like enough activity, we woke early Saturday morning (after 5 hours of sleep) and took a field trip down to a local State Park for a maple sugaring demonstration day.  Many of our homeschool co-op group was attending and we'd already told the boys we'd be going, but hadn't really reassessed it since the travel debacle.  We gutted it out and made the drive down despite feeling like zombies. It was much chillier than forecasted, but we enjoyed the day none-the less.

Sub zero

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It's often that, here.  Sub zero.  So.Entirely.Cold!

The snow has hardened and it less fun to play in than when it was fresh.  We spend very little time outside and starting to adapt to a winter life lived indoors.  How I long for spring, but I am embracing the four-walls and the extra time that gives me around the boys.  We get a whole lot more school done each day here than we ever did in any of our temperate climate locations.  We will all be very grateful when the cold it through and the grass starts showing again, though with the amount of snow we have that may be into the early summer!  ha!

A few months ago Josh and I received an email from our church's office inviting us to travel to Minneapolis for the annual "Bethlehem Pastor's Conference".  I wrote back, asking if the email had been sent to us by mistake and we were reassured it was indeed no mistake.  We jumped at the chance, so eager for so many reason!  We haven't had more than a a short stint away from the boys since our 5th anniversary nearly 7 years ago.  The last year has been taxing and we were really excited at the chance to get some time to just the two of us, but not to a "destination" as would be usual, but to a pastor's conference to learn together.  And OH the learning that was had!  We both decided that is the way we want to do our get aways from now on.  The growth, confirmation and bonding that happened there is immeasurable and we are so utterly grateful for the Lord's provision in making a way for that to happen for us.   We backed out of our garage at 3am with our loaded van last Saturday to make our way to Omaha to leave the boys with Josh's parents.  They were not actually IN town when we arrived, but we spent the evening recouping from our 11 hour drive and went to their church the next morning there in Bellevue.  They were scheduled to arrive back in town no earlier than 7pm, so a babysitter was lined up (we hope to reconnect with that family at some point - what servant hearts!) where we dropped the boys and were on our way north to Minneapolis.  We passed Rob and Lyn about and hour and a half into the trip, honking and flashing our lights because we'd coordinated on text and phone to say a hello as we passed. Very dweaby, yes.
We arrive in the city late and went to bed greatly anticipating the next morning and what the next three days would hold.  Neither or us have been to a pastoral conference and I haven't been to any conference at all since student conferences in high school, so we weren't sure what to expect.  
The next three days held classes we were able to select to take on particular topics, a bookstore that felt like a candy store, meeting a man that we hold so much respect for and that has helped our spiritually growth tremendously over the past couple of years, John Piper.  It included worshiping in a auditorium with several hundred other believers and sitting under the teaching of some seriously gifted, humble and Godly men who's hearts desire is to drive home the beauty of the gospel and encourage pastors (and lay people like us) to carry that beautiful message forth into our church bodies and communities.  The time we were able to have with our Pastor and the couple of Elders and one other wife that came with were precious.
Difficult topics like racial equality, the great commission and the offensiveness of the gospel were all dissected and it was all so very enriching to our souls.   Neither of us anticipated the amount of growth and rest we would receive while there!  And along with that came further confirmation that both of us feel strongly that we need to be obedient in pursuing overseas missions once our military commitment ends this coming summer.  We feel all the more eager and the call feels all the more urgent after sitting under the teaching there and learning the things we learned.  Our hearts are being prepared even as we embrace the season we are currently in here in Minot.

We headed back down to Omaha feeling emotionally, spiritually, and physically rested and rejuvenated.  Our entire 6 hours home was spent in robust conversation about the topics of the conference and about the direction we believe the Lord is calling us to walk.  

We spent Thursday and Friday in Omaha - our time with Rob and Lyn is always a joy (truly) and gave us even more of a sense of rest.  We left Omaha at 4am on Saturday morning to make the trek home, stopping for breakfast and then again for lunch to meet up with the Goodrichs' (minus Jessica who was at a conference that day), our dear friends from Turkey who are now stationed in Grand Forks, ND.  I type this nearly 3 weeks later - the past three weeks have been filled with illness (stomach bug and then upper respiratory) that is circulating it's way around seemingly every living body on base and in the Minot area.  We are behind in school, the house is still showing signs of disarray from when we were gone and I'm finding it wretchedly difficult to curb the rather severe case of Spring Fever that I've caught.  The temps have been up in the high 30s and the low 40s the past few days and I am just so entirely ready for spring that I ordered a pair of shorts on amazon and started going through my warm weather clothing in the shelf in my closet.....ha!  As if I will be utilize any of that anytime soon!  haha!  Goodness.  My temperate climate habits are still deep in there and I find I remind myself time and time again that ND doesn't function like Florida, or the Azores or Turkey.  Spring isn't starting - we've got a ways to go before we reach that most wonderful season of all.

 

 

 

The 9th day of Christmas

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Christmas felt foreign to us this year, celebrating with just the 6 of us.  The house was quiet (strangely quite compared to how loud is typically feels on a day to day basis).  It was the lack of a huge crowd that we noticed.  At dinner Elijah teared up and expressed to us that he felt like it wasn't actually Christmas - that we'd done nothing to really celebrate it.  Our Christmas service at church had been cancelled because of the blizzard, and this is the first year in any of our boys' memories that we haven't had our small group or home group in our home with us. feasting and celebrating.  This season in Minot has been strange that way, for all of us.  We have grown so accustomed to having a community that we do life with.  When everyone is in the same boat, being separated from biological family by oceans, we band together and become a family for each other.  We've been fed deeply by these relationships and are so utterly grateful for them - and here, where the culture and dynamic is different in so many ways, we feel the loss of that.  I understand it as a season of rest from the hosting and the feeding, and I will strive to cherish that rest the Lord is providing for us, but it doesn't mean I don't intensely I miss the weekly community times with our brothers and sisters we grew to love to deeply while overseas.  
The day after Christmas, when the blizzard was raging on we felt like cooped chickens and decided to venture out to our friends' house.  They had expected family in town that Monday, but that obviously wasn't happening and we had mentioned, mostly in jest, that if their family wasn't able to make it one of us should hike our way to the others' house for a day of hot drinks, games and togetherness.  We woke up and realized that it truly would be a hike.  I messaged Amy and expressed my sadness that we had 2 1/2 feet of snow in both our driveways, so indeed, we would not be driving anywhere to hang out with anyone.  She said if we could get there, they would love to have us.  Josh and I looked at each other, laughed, and after a 15 minute period of weighing the pros and cons we started bundling the boys.  Getting out the door took a solid 30 minutes, and we were on our way, wondering only a block away if it would be an enormous mistake and rethinking the fact that then we had to get back home....  We tromped on, despite our hesitation.

 

I started this post on the 2nd of January and here I am finishing it on the 4th of March.  I might be the worst blogger in history of bloggers.
In short we made it to their house and what a joyous day it was.  Needed for us all, as both family's Christmas days felt a bit blue for various reasons.  And the trek through the snow was intense, but a fun memory (as far as the adults are concerned) to have!

 

We celebrated our sweet baby's birthday 4 days later at the pizza play ground place here on base.  He requested a horse cake, per his recent obsession with horses.  :)  I indulge that love any chance I get!  What a sweet tot he is!  It's hard to believe he's three!

Good news, great joy

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What a gracious Creator we have who lavishly pours out blessing after blessing upon our undeserving selves.  He gives and takes away, and remains constant and worthy of praise.  The trivial stresses of our lives do not change Him.  I am so utterly thankful for this season in which he continues to give, and profoundly thankful for the season that proceeded this in which he took so much away.  Oh the beauties of his wonder I was able to learn through that time, at the complete mercy (and always so) of his provision for myself and my loved ones in the midst of debilitating illness, separation and displacement.  After these past few months of respite in which I continued to cling to his great mercies that are, indeed, new every morning, He has chosen to again take that resting period away.  I do not know the course he's paved for this illness in my life.  I do not know if it will rob me of my hearing or my balance or ability to continue to do so many things I love to do, but I do know that His grace is sufficient and will continue to be the only thing that sustains me until I wake to see him face to face.  I do grieve the loss it presents, but how entirely short lived it is.  Only a short moment in the vast expanse of His timeless plan - only afflicting this weak earthly shell.  And so lite an affliction in comparison to the depravity that ravishes mankind in this broken, hurting and desperate world.  It does not take away my ability to be salt and light - to reach the unreached.  And what is deafness and imbalance when there is so much desperation, even under my own roof with my own children?  Only minor hurdles.  I will continue to fight to choose joy in the midst of suffering and pray fervently that the Lord covers over a multitude of my grumbly sins with his grace as I learn how to navigate through this season. 

What a delight we take in the beauties he graces us with.  What a beautiful savior he is.

 

  

Gentle grace

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Oops.  Forgot to post this on the 12th.

I'm slow today, in many respects.  In body, in mind and in creativity.  

I've been noticeably off balance (more than usual) since Saturday but didn't really think much of it since my left ear wasn't "stuffing up" like it usually does at the beginning of a Menieres attack.  It's no doubt an attack, be it ever so mild.  It was worse yesterday than on Saturday and I woke up with a heavy "bobble head" and that all too familiar fog brain that accompanies it. 
 I am ever so grateful for the Lord's graciousness with me in this disease that only he knows how and is fully able to heal but continues to choose not to for whatever beautiful reason he has.  I have to force myself to focus on the beauty in this affliction, for the despair that it can cause is a very real threat if I look only with my worldly eyes at the bodily consequences it's destruction holds for me.  I can praise the Lord for the ways he loves me in and through this, or I can look on with anxiety and fear, as I did for many years, at a disease in my earthly body that can be a catalyst for a more intimate knowing of my Creator and His utter sufficiency or that can hurl me into a downward spiral of mistrust, bitterness and pride.  It is a daily battle, indeed, and an hourly one on days like today.  He shows his mercies in beautiful ways.  I'm sitting here in the sunshine in my dining room chair thinking through it and recognize it as a form of grace. I'm forced to slow way down when my head is like this.  It gives me terrible brain fog and saps my creativity, but sometimes that is so very much needed to slow me down enough to get needed things done. Like hanging out with my boys and cleaning, instead of making another craft project.   And the boys have been surprisingly quiet today. And calm. The Lord slows them down when he slows me down. I am so thankful for that.  With that slowing down comes time for reflection, and sitting in the sunlight, and writing and talking quietly with a boy that comes out from naptime while everyone else is still asleep.  And it gives time for writing and looking through pictures of the life our gracious Father has given us.  

A drink of water for parched throats

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We pulled into town about 2:30 Sunday afternoon and spent our afternoon catching up with the Storey family and waiting for Pech's and Shelby to arrive.  The rolled in about 4:30 and we all drove over to unload and settle in to the Air BnB place we rented.  

Monday morning was spent exploring the zoo with the whole crew - it was delightful!  What an incredible feeling to be in the SAME place with so many people that we love!  

 

Tuesday the plan was to all head to the Children's museum since the rain was relentless, but we woke to a stomach bug Joel (or fluke, since it was only once and get was totally normal and hour later - and thankfully no one else has gotten sick!), so the girls and I stayed behind with him and baby Judah Pech while Josh and Gabe took the others to meet up with the Storey family.  We shared "burgers on a plate" that night, in true Portuguese style and had pumpkin and spiced pear and ginger pie for dessert with some group game time.  What a treat these people are to us!

Wed was Shelby's last day, as she was fixing Turkey's for both sides of her family for Thanksgiving so she needed to get back in time to start them.  It was hard to split up again, but we all felt so beyond blessed to have gotten the chance to reunite, even for that short time!

Thursday morning was spent packing up - us to head to Mom and Dad's for a few nights and Pech's to feast with Hannah's side of the family.  We said our goodbye and headed our separate ways.  The feast preparation was in full swing at the Storey abode and the day was busy but so refreshing - how we love our family!  

Friday was filled with shopping (not at the crack of dawn!), a zoo trip, mulling over Christmas gifts for family and quiet down time.  Friday night those of us that had been able to make it for the holiday (us, Matt and Amy Storey and their girls, Jake and Amy) had a sans-kid prayer time.  We were able to listen to each other share about what life holds for them in this season.  It was a beautiful time of catching up, knowing needs and praying together.  
We were off early Saturday morning - out by 3:30 and home by 2:30 that afternoon.  

What a precious time we had.  

 

If it weren't for....fill in the blank

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We arrived at Minot AFB in mid August, moved into a house, found a church that immediately felt like home, started school with the boys in mid Sept being supported by the local Classical Conversations community, lived a minimalist lifestyle fora couple months while waiting for our HHG to arrive from Turkey, spend 3 weeks in an unpacking/purging frenzy (mostly solo for me, as our delivery was last minute scheduled for a day/week in which Josh already had a full clinic booked), got a dog, finished organizing our garage right before the freezing weather hit and are now driving (as I type this) to Omaha to meet up with Josh’s side of the family and dear, precious friends from our time in Portugal, for the Thanksgiving week.  We moved to Minot, and now it’s Thanksgiving, and the in-between feels like a blur of re acclimating to being an American living in America - something I wasn’t ready for yet and still often don’t feel ready for.  I miss living overseas intensely, but am utterly grateful that the Lord directs our steps.  HIs timing is perfect and beautiful.  With that I have great peace.  

I am exhausted.  For weeks the house looked the way my brain felt.  Disorganized, messy and uninhabitable.  Moving has always been a challenge for me, as it is for everyone.  This one felt different than the others because of the circumstances surrounding the move.  Our Turkey season didn’t feel completed until our early possessions started being offloaded from the 15 crates that were trucked to our front door.  It was so exciting, but so profoundly sad all at the same time.  Not to mention overwhelming.  That first night after unpacking our kitchen and getting our pottery hutch position and ready for the unpacking of the pottery I stood leaning against the kitchen counter and cried a hard gut cry.  Josh wrapped his arms around me.  All I could muster up was, “here’s all the stuff.  Now where’s our people?!”  It didn’t feel right to be around all the stuff again without our tribe from Turkey.  The last time I was with this stuff I was with them.  There was no goodbye, there was no closure, there was no packing out process to help close that chapter in my heart and mind.  It was surreal and painful to see all the furniture again.  The memories that came with it, from all the places we’ve lived and all the precious friends we’ve shared time with around it swept over like a torrential downpour.  Closure came with that, in whatever form it could with such a strange scenario.  

Thank you, sweet Lord, for the seasons you’ve led us through - even the ones that have ended painful and abruptly.  Your sovereign grace sustains my weary heart.

 

Cherry’s owner dropped her off at our house just 5 days after our HHG was delivered.  We were far from being unpacked and in livable space when she arrived and there was no way for me to anticipate the frustration a 4 year old, well trained, calm black lab would insert into the situation.  Between bolting when the front door was opened to peeing in every bedroom and multiple times in the carpeted hallway I was beginning to think taking her was a mistake.  She’s transitioned since then and seems to be remembering her training, with a few accidents here and there.  She’s my shadow and, my oh my, has that been something to get used to.  The introverted part of me really dislikes being followed around, constantly, and she’s there every step of the way.  There’s two entrances to our kitchen and she will choose to stand in (she’s not allowed in the kitchen) whichever gives her a straight view of me.  She is a social lab, through and through.  She views herself as a full member of the family, it seems, and delights and expects attention any time idle hands are available.  Even when they aren’t.  Our attempts at decreasing her barrel size have been successful, but she’s still got a ways to go.  She has a waistline now, but one can still see the layer of fat shift back and forth as she walks through the house.  It’s quite humorous.  She’s a beefcake!  We are getting used to her (mostly) and she’s grown accustomed to her.  She’s becoming more enjoyable to have around and is learning our habits quickly, as well as the new rules we’ve been teaching her.  I’m so grateful that she’s kennel trained, as that gives us moments of reprieve on days when we simply cannot have her nosing everyone available (or unavailable) for attention.  

 

We are doing a small group at our Pastor’s house every other Sunday afternoon.  Those weekends are wonderful, but quite sapping, as we are gone those Sundays from 9-5 and then have CC the next morning for the boys.  It takes a good couple of days for my social skills to build back up those weeks.  Ha!  Our Pastor and his wife are hobby farmers (took over his dad’s farm when his dad passed away several years ago) and are very generous of their overflow of farm provisions.  We enjoy local honey they filter themselves from bees they rent during the summer months to pollinate the Canola they grow.  The honey is incredible!  They have many chickens (she just told me they’ve lost count! haha!) and their eggs are delicious!  It gives us fond memories of the chickens we had on the island and long for the day where we live somewhere again where we can have chickens.  The boys run to watch the chickens when we visit the farm - they are such hilarious and delightful animals to watch.  We purchased a quarter cow from them (just last weekend) that another family backed out on and are excited to start enjoying that delicious meat when we get home from our Thanksgiving vacation.

 

We’re renting an Air BnB with friends from the island.  We haven’t been all together as a group, us, Shelby and the Pechs, since the Pechs moved from the island in April of last year (2015).  It’s surreal for us all that we actually get to be in community together again for a few days!  OH how we delight in the beautiful friends the Lord has blessed us with throughout these years of Air Force life.  They were our family (and remain so) when we were all so far out of our biological family’s reach.  We get to see sweet nieces and their parents, our brother and sister, who we love so entirely and parents and other brothers and sisters.  So, we’re driving along a South Dakota interstate lined with snow drifts and ice to meet up with a share time with all these sweet, precious friends and family members and its incredible to me the way the Lord bends and shifts are lives when we least expect it.  Our time in Turkey wasn’t supposed to end until July 2017 and here we are DRIVING(with no 9 hour flights or layovers or rental vans!) to meet family for Thanksgiving for the first time in 7 years!  It’s.so.neat, even with the sting of having to leave our Turkey community to abruptly without closure.  it makes me so thankful for social media and technology - we don’t have to wonder how they are.  Communication happens in seconds and it’s salve for the heart.  

And now, our last few months in pictures

 

 

Suffering well

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My heart has been heavy with this for the past few days - knowing who our next commander in Chief is likely to be.  I believe with her in office the American Church is going to experience a lot more persecution than we have before.  Josh and I were headed to bed a few nights ago after watching the debate and were talking about what the future might hold, with either candidate in office.  The outlook could seem grim with either.  I asked him if he thought the Church in American might start to experience persecution in ways that so many of our brother's and sister's in Christ face it in foreign countries.  He responded immediately, "I hope so."  I bristled a bit, initially, caught off guard by this response.  But what a beautiful hope!  The American Church is so weakened by the lack of persecution we face and the emphasis of "health and wealth" prosperity gospel that is ever growing in strength.  
I ran across this post on Desiring God about teaching our children how to suffer.  Are we doing this as parents?  Are Josh and I teaching our boys to have such an undying devotion to their savior that even in the face of suffering and persecution they will rejoice and call upon Him and bless his name?  Are we talking to them about the things we should that conveys the important fact that suffering is God ordained?
Acts 14:22
2 Corinithians 4:8-9
Galatians 6:2
2 Corinthians 1:4
Job 2:9-10
2 Corinthians 4:17-18   
 Are we (mostly me, with my chronic illness) living out our own suffering in a way that shows we believe this truth, and that we will live in undying devotion to Him regardless of our circumstances? 


Our boys will experience suffering, in one form or another along the way.  Are we teaching them to trust and rejoice?

Remiss

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There isn't reason for me to expect that others would want to know the thoughts that tumble through my mind throughout the day and many times late into the night.  I don't feel a sense of failure toward others when I don't write, but more to myself - because I know this is how I track spiritual growth and one of the ways that I, personally, acknowledge and praise the Lord for the things he is doing in our lives.  By keeping track of them in writing and having a written history to look back on to recount this beautiful journey he's given our family.  

It's fully autumn here in the North.  The silver birch are just starting to turn, lagging behind a bit, keeping their green and fuzzy silver leaves alive a bit longer than the other trees in the area.  The tower high above most of the other trees on base, aside from the aging cottonwoods - it's a spectacular site, the mix of green and golden hues.  There was a small row of trees in Florida that would partially change colors late in the fall, but aside from that it's been since our time living in Aurora Colorado during med school that we've lived in a place with the warm tones of the autumn season.   They are truly breathtaking.  Driving down into the town of Minot from the base is a site to behold.  Minot is nestled among rolling hills that surround a river that winds it's way through town.  The trees are old and established and adorn the town with all shades of warmth right now.  The fields around the town are freshly harvested and hold colors similar to those of the trees but on a much grander scale.  Large plots of land hold vibrant golden hues that stretch for miles, broken every now and then by a cluster of trees huddled together around farmsteads.  
What a rich treat to see these colors again, in nature.

We are slowly settling in to the house we were given on base.  I find myself blocking my heart from calling it home.  I long to bury roots and establish somewhere, for many reasons, so the past several years feel like they are really starting to wear on me.  I bounce this way and that throughout the day between feeling wildly adventurous and desperately wanting to stay in the military so we can continue this "where to next?!" lifestyle and on the flip side feeling like it's sucked years out of my life and it's time to settle.  Getting out of the military is the only way to accomplish that.  Josh listened patiently to me as I talked at him through words muffled by hard, silent sobs the other night as we were laying in bed.  Getting out sounds so painful.  Staying in sounds so painful.  Both so good, both so painful.  We both agree that getting out and establishing in a church somewhere is the next step in obedience to follow this call both of us have felt on our hearts for years.  Providing medical to those who have no other access is what both of us want for his medicine ministry to look like.  We have no idea where that will be, or what it will look like, but it's what both of us have felt for a long while that the Lord is preparing us for.  Perhaps the instability of moving often has begun to prepare us for the instability that will be felt living in an unestablished area surrounded by unkowns?   We both feel like living overseas for the amount of time that we did helped our hearts move in the direction of really desiring to live overseas as missionaries.  There's no denying missionaries are needed in America, and we are to be missional regardless of where the Lord has placed us to plant roots, but we feel we are being called somewhere other than America for the, which makes living here right now feel awkward - we aren't comfortable, at this point, with thinking about being here long term.  It's not discontentment - we believe it's his gentle way of diminishing our desire to live in our comfort zone.  

We've found a church home that has been absolute balm for our weary hearts - they've been beautifully aggressive with making sure we have what we need until our shipment comes in, inviting us to small groups, meals, church activities,  and homeschool co-ops.  We are humbled and so utterly thankful that He led us there so soon after our arrival here.  It feels more like home among those people every Sunday.  

The house remains mostly empty as we continue to wait for the arrival of our house hold goods.  The shipment tracker says they are scheduled to arrive at port at the end of this month, then will stay for 5-10 days to be worked through customs, concluding with being trucked up to us.  We've slowly put together our main living room here, as we only have one living room worth of furniture coming.  I've always thought it would be fun to have a separate room for the tv - this house has that.  The more room to decorate the merrier!  It's been fun to piece together this space - I have some work yet to do, but it's come a long way from the initial futon and one lamp we started with.  
I find myself hoarding specific items and having to constantly remind myself that most of what we need is readily available and will not all the sudden run out of stock as it did overseas.  I am a sucker for house plants and after it took 3 month in Turkey to acquire any I have built up quite the collection in a matter of weeks here.  OH how I love them!  They will be a bright spot in the long winter here!  

The boys are getting to know our backyard, where the roly polys hide out and which kids in the neighborhood enjoy playing with them.  Josh leaves earlier in the morning here than he did in Turkey and the bike ride to work takes longer, but he's done all he can to keep with our Turkey schedule of him clocking out at 4:30 and coming straight home.  We are grateful that it's possible to do that here.  He enjoys the clinic and talks about how it just takes a bit of time to get worked in to new surroundings, co-workers and patient handling. 

The boys and I are a few weeks in to school here at home and we are still very much finding our groove.  We are working on finishing our curriculum from last year that got pushed by the wayside in the midst of the upheaval in the spring.  I have no doubt that the Lord is calling me to homeschool these boys, and I know not how long that season will last, but it is a true test of my obedience and patience.  It's not an easy task and sometimes I feel utterly frazzled with how difficult it is to juggle all the responsibilities that come with it.  We are going to Classical Conversations this year, knowing full well that we may not continue with it this year, but it's our only foreseeable way to find homeschool community at this point.  The boys love it, and the corny songs that help them memorize, and it gives me adult interaction, support and accountability in this season.  

My Meneieres disease seems to be turning a corner (perhaps I shouldn't speak so soon) - it's become more erratic and unpredictable - for several days I had a horribly loud tinnitus that showed up but that seems to have resolved and with it has come more stability in the disease, it seems.  I haven't had an attack (where I am forced to lay down) for over 2 weeks.  My hearing seems to be slowly clearing and my balance has been notably better.  If I'm underslept or dehydrated I notice an incline in symptoms, but other than that it's been better.  We are hoping this means remission - or healing.  

Sometimes Turkey feels like a dream.  I can still see the barbed fence keeping us in - and smell the feedlot outside those barbs, just behind our house.  I can still smell the Turkish market and all the unfamiliar, completely affordable goodies it held.  
I can feel sweet, motherly Hatice's tight squeeze after she walked in the door in the early morning and feel her kiss on each cheek.  I can see her walking my boys to the park, holding Luke's hand while the others run ahead.  I can see Monica's dark hair glistening from the sun behind her as she stands in my doorway chatting with me on a quick talk break on their walk to gymnastics.  I can hear her laugh heartily as we discuss all our craft aspirations and the complete impossibility of achieving them because of the lack of access to the supplies.  How I miss that precious friend - what a short lived face to face season we had, but it was so obviously orchestrated by a Creator who knew we both needed each other in that season.  I can still hear India singing her way down the street, hands lifted to the warm sun, all dressed in every color of the rainbow - a fresh spot of visible joy among so many too serious- too busy adults.  I can still see my sweet cousin Anna walking down the sidewalk with her boys - dressed to the T from head to toe in an outfit only she and a few select others in the world could pull off, her long, rich dark hair and blunt bangs framing her beautiful face perfectly.  I love that I found a cousin in Turkey!  And Jessica, with her ever growing baby belly - glowing and adorable, her quiet and sweet demeanor a needed part of our body of believers.  All of these precious girlfriends hold pieces of my hear in that various places they've been scattered after the evacuation.  Part of me will always long for that season in Turkey with them - for closure instead of unexpected, last minute, painful separation from our husband's, homes and life with each other.  What a rich season it was - so abbreviated.  

Thank you, sweet Lord, that none of this surprised you.  Thank you for your gentle grace through this.  Thank you for providing and protecting.  Thank you, that ultimately, this all glorifies you.  That's the only thing that makes this all worth it.      

 

Future-grace

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My mind wants to wander and worry - the Lord's future-grace is the only thing that keeps me from slipping in to the depression that so many Meneiere's patients battle.  Some days it feels easy to fight it, and some days I can see the darkness tunneling around my mind - 

The disease grows ever more erratic, confusing and is thus far unresponsive to any treatment that we throw at it, but I do NOT have to worry.  He will provide just enough grace for me today in the midst of this - he has never failed to provide today's grace and He will never fail to provide grace for tomorrow.  

He will provide future-grace - he always has - he always will.

If it's grace to deal with deafness, he will provide it.  If it's grace to deal with loss of ability to function as my boy's primary care giver, he will provide it.  If it's grace to help me through years of freight train sounds coming from the confusion of my brain and all the little intricate and damaged parts of my left ear, then he will provide it. (these are the things that constantly nag for my worry)

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/god-shall-supply-all-your-needs

How did this happen?!

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I still feel like a foreigner in the States.  I'm not sure what it is.  I can't quite put my finger on it.  I just feel odd here.  And the past 6 months still feels like a whirl of confusion and foggy dream like living.  It's flown by, but it's been so utterly and painfully slow, too.  Some days I just don't understand how we got here.  How did we get to Minot?!  The Lord paved the way, but why? 
Why?

   
On the way home from church yesterday Josh and I were talking about the church we'd visited that morning and what we liked (loved) about it.  I had three girls (ladies sounds too......impersonal - or something.  I don't know) my age come up to me immediately after the service to find out my name and how long we'd been in town.  I honestly was floored, and wanted to cry in front of them, right then and there.  After a long 10 days of feeling like this base we've moved to is a ghost town, it felt like a spring in the desert.  I mentioned this to Josh and a sting hit my heart - longing for our community in Turkey, and on the Island and in Florida.  We contemplated our time at each place and have decided, after a week and a half at a State side base (that is known for it's friendliness and community) overseas military life is just an entirely different military life.  I remember talking to Jess about this a bit this past week when we were drinking Çay at her place.  She commiserated.  We are both saddened by how unfriendly is feels here.  She and her family moved from Turkey in mid November.  We had just enough time to get to know them well enough to be sad that our time there didn't cross over more with theirs.  We had no way of anticipating that we'd be at the same base in the United States just 9 months later.  
I desperately miss the closeness and "Mayberry" feel of Incirlik, and Lajes.  We lived off base in Florida but had immediate community there because we were there for medical residency and already knew a couple there that got us plugged in with all their friends. We didn't live on base at Lajes, but being on a teeny island forced folks to band together and form community.  There was simply nowhere else to go.  At Incirlik there was literally nowhere else to go and nothing else to do, unless a hospital visit was in order.  But even that only provided a short respite from the confinement of the fences.  Because of the lockdown that happened when we'd been there a mere 24 hours and never lifted, community was the only thing to do.  We ate together at last minutes notice, hollered across the street at a loved one when they came out of their house to get into their car, watched our kids play together and felt safe letting them wander to a friends house (within reason), walked to the commissary together or the thrift shop or went on "adventures" around the perimeter of the base to see outside the barbed fences.  I desperately miss the impromptu visits, and the constant doing life together with people that were so real and genuine and raw.  How thankful I am that Jess is here and that the Lord has provided that friendship.  
We've been on many walks around housing, and to many parks and around base, but there's rarely anyone out, and when there is there's little acknowledgment.    
How I miss the 1950's neighborhood feel.  
Florida, the Island and Turkey gave us a taste of community that we want to foster everywhere we go, but we aren't sure how to do it in this country where we were born and raised, where people are so independent and keep to themselves so entirely.  Our culture doesn't make it easy to do life together.  Our culture doesn't emphasize the importance of community (outside cyber relationships).  How can we start to change that right where we are, right now?  

I miss our overseas life.  I miss our tight knit communities.  I miss doing life together with those around us.  
Our prayer here is that the Lord show us what our role is on this base, aside from Josh's job.  Thinking of not hosting a group in our home weekly as we've done for the past 6 years makes my heart hurt, but we have no idea how to go about finding people that desire that like we do.  Aside from sweet Jess and her family, no one has reached out.  No one has tried to connect.  This just feels so utterly odd, and sad.